Why Does Change Have to Be So Difficult?

Do you handle change graciously, or does it put you in a spiral? Why does change have to be so difficult?

I have had many changes in my life these past few years. Some changes were intentional, while others were completely beyond my control. The ones you can’t control are the most challenging. Most people do not enjoy forced changes, yet others seem adept at graciously handling them. Do you tend to spiral or accept graciously?

Having had multiple uncontrollable life-changing events (breast cancer, job loss), I am grateful that one of my best qualities is my resilience. My resilience and naturally positive outlook have allowed me to be gracious when change strikes. I do not enjoy change, but I feel confident I can manage it.

Change is Manageable With Resilience

What if you are the type that spirals out of control when change happens? What can you do? You need to develop your resilience. This article discusses resilience in detail: https://www.mindtools.com/ao310a2/developing-resilience. It offers the following tips::

• Learn to relax.
• Practice thought awareness.
• Edit your outlook.
• Learn from your mistakes and failures.
• Choose your response.
• Maintain perspective.
• Set yourself some goals.
• Build your self-confidence.
• Develop strong relationships.
• Be flexible.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back when things do not go as planned. It’s difficult to be resilient every day. There is comfort in routine. You must adjust when your routine is altered, and sometimes you are unsure what to do. Just as you have carved out a routine for your daily life, you need to create action steps for when change occurs. Having a plan in place will lessen your anxiety.

Not All Change is Bad

I mentioned earlier the changes that happened to me due to breast cancer and job loss; however, change isn’t always traumatic. Change is sometimes great – like getting married, having a baby, or getting promoted at work. Those are all good things that will have the same effect on you as not-so-good things.

We lived in Chicago for ten years when we were first married. A job opportunity presented itself to me, so we made the move. We acclimated ourselves quickly through work and our neighborhood. We loved living there. Erin was born in Chicago, and we wanted her to get to know her grandparents and the rest of her family. Mike was finishing his degree at DePaul University at night while working full time when she was born. When he finished his degree, we started looking for employment and a home on Long Island.

We Were Unprepared For The Move

We moved back “home” right before Erin turned three years old. I was so excited to be close to my family and back near my friends! It never occurred to me that I would be devastated to leave Chicago. We had built a life there, and I missed it dearly. I was unprepared for those emotions. It took me a long time to adjust to “home.” How ridiculous is that?

Yes, there was the excitement of reconnecting, but there was overwhelming sadness in letting go of our life in Chicago. We ventured to the Midwest as newlyweds. Ten years brought lots of routine into our lives, and now that was gone. The change was tough for me. I mishandled it, but that’s a blog for another day.

My point is change, whether positive or negative, is still change. Your routine will be upended. You’ll need to figure out and implement a new routine. It is uncomfortable. You need to recognize that it is manageable. Being grateful for what is good in your life will help you adjust. Adulting is hard!

Can You Prepare for a Change?

I believe you can prepare for change. The truth is change is inevitable. Life happens, and often it’s beyond our control. If you fear change and have difficulty adapting to unplanned change, I encourage you to have a plan in place. It does not have to be a step-by-step dossier on handling a disaster. A general guideline will suffice.

Here are my guidelines: 1) eat healthy, get a good night’s sleep, and keep a gratitude journal. 2) engage my support group immediately to vocalize my situation. 3) keep a positive mindset.

It is easy to skip self-care when dealing with a negative change. Be aware of your actions so you can stay on track with yourself. Do not hesitate to ask for help or tell your family/friends what is happening. While you may feel shamed or embarrassed by your circumstance, your support group will not judge you. Negative thinking will NOT help. Keeping a positive mindset will have a great impact on your coping skills.

Kindly comment below if you’ve enjoyed this post. I hope it has lessened your angst regarding changes to come. Thank you for your continued support.