What does hope mean to you?

Hope is a compelling word. What does hope mean to you? Its meaning fluctuates from situation to situation and person to person. For me, hope was the anticipation of the day I would be well. The Hope sign in the picture above sat on the shelf adjacent to our television in the den of our old house. The den was the room that I spent my time in when not in the hospital or at a treatment or doctor’s appointment. I looked at that Hope sign all day long.

That sign was a reminder that I struggled with the word hope. As I’ve mentioned before, my career (before cancer) was in sales. At one point in time, I worked for a man who used to say, “Hope, is not a strategy.” It would drive him crazy if a salesperson ever said, “I hope to close this sale by the end of the month.” It was a pet peeve of his, and I became very conscious of not using the word hope. So, before my illness, I already had my reservations about the word hope. I was a little timid about wanting to “hope” for anything. Thank you, Dave!

Wikipedia says Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes concerning events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. I like this definition. I was in an optimistic state of mind during my cancer battle, and I prayed every day for a positive outcome. This explanation of Hope suited me. What I’ve learned through my illness is that Hope has had different meanings through different cycles of my life.

For example, when I was young, I had “hope” Santa Claus would bring me a new bicycle. I always wound up with the one my sister outgrew! As I got older, I had “hope” I would get into St. Francis Prep, the high school I wanted to attend (I did). Then, I had “hope” that a certain boy would ask me to the Prom (thankfully, he did). Later in life, I had “hope” I (we) would get approved for that mortgage, or get that promotion, etc. What’s interesting is that some “hopes” I could (sort of) control by my effort and actions, such as a promotion or a good test grade. But, most “hopes” are just that – a hope for something that may or may not happen. The reality is, you cannot rely on hope. You can wish for it, even ache for it, but you cannot control or manipulate it. It truly is an intangible.

I admit I spent an awful lot of time hoping for a good prognosis after I completed my cancer treatments. I know that’s because I am inherently an optimistic person. Intellectually, I do know that I cannot rely on hope alone, but emotionally, I still hope for things. And, I have made a conscious decision that I am going to continue to hope for things. I like having hope. How can I not hope to win the lottery? Don’t you, doesn’t everyone?

I was trying to think of an acronym for hope. I came up with this: How One Perceives Everything. Hope is kind of like how you view the world. I think there are negative and positive hopes that go along with people’s different personalities. You can hope for world peace, or you can hope your annoying next-door neighbor gets shingles! (Not advised). Everything becomes perception when you dig deep into this whole hope thing. At least, that’s this cancer survivor’s belief. I have chosen to hope I remain cancer-free. And that we all win the lottery!

What is it that you hope for these days?