It’s the Most Challenging Time of the Year for Me!

It may not be a scary time for you, but it’s the most challenging time of the year for me!

February is the month I make my annual doctor appointments. These are not routine appointments for physicals and eye exams. These appointments ensure my breast cancer has not returned or metastasized.

These next few months will be agonizing for me. All my fears of recurrence rise to the surface, and I perpetually feel anxiety. If I feel a random pain under my arm, I assume it’s my lymph nodes and my cancer has returned.

It’s normal for me to have these feelings randomly; however, in February/March, they seem to go into overdrive.

My Most Challenging Time

Statistically, I have a 3-15% chance of recurrence within ten years of my original diagnosis. Last year, my oncologist told me to continue with my aromatase inhibitor medication for another five years. I was initially told I would take that medicine for only five years. Now it is ten years! I find this concerning, but she swears she is just being cautious.

I always read about breast cancer recurrence. Below is a quote published by the Cleveland Clinic. The good news is that I am past the five-year mark. Further, I had radiation therapy after my lumpectomy.

The Cleveland Clinic says: “How common is breast cancer recurrence? Most local recurrences of breast cancer occur within five years of a lumpectomy. You can lower your risk by getting radiation therapy afterward. With this combined treatment, you have a 3% to 15% chance of breast cancer recurrence within ten years.” https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/8328-breast-cancer-recurrence#living-with.

The medication I take has side effects that mimic menopause. Her having me take it for an additional five years makes me nervous. But, as my mom always said, “It’s better to be safe than sorry.” So, five years down and 4.5 years to go. Piece of cake!

Breast Cancer Recurrence

When you are first diagnosed with breast cancer, people tell you about their mom or friend who had it three times and survived. I know they mean well. However, it is far too overwhelming to be told you may get it three times. Let me get through my first battle! A favorite priest was the first culprit to say that to me, and it got me so scared I couldn’t sleep that night! Please refrain from mentioning survivor stories of multiple recurrences to a friend recently diagnosed. Trust me; they do not want to hear them.

This Time of Year, I am Paranoid

First, I start noticing more articles and pink things everywhere. Second, the week of my first doctor appointment, I am holding my breath every day. My anxiety rises until I am actually at the doctor’s office, and my heart beats ridiculously while I wait alone, in my gown, for the doctor to appear. The waiting is brutal!

Overall, this is no way to live. I have decided to take some control this year. It is too hard to spend six weeks out of fifty-two every year feeling overly anxious. The bottom line is whatever the doctor finds is going to be great. If I have a recurrence, I can jump on a protocol and fight it immediately. If I am diagnosed as NED (no evidence of disease), I can thank God for another clean year. In either case, I will deal with it. What else can I do?

As much as it is easy to state this, the execution can be tricky. Intellectually, I know I have to deal with it, but emotionally, I have a hard time. Luckily, I am logical and have done some research (shocking, I know), and this anxiety or fear I have has a name. It is called scanxiety.

Scanxiety is the Perfect Word for This!

For people who have had a cancer diagnosis, undergoing imaging scans can lead to a variety of emotions. It is common to feel stress or worry in the period before a medical test, during the test, and while waiting for test results. We call these feelings “scanxiety.”

Jyoti D. Patel, MD

It makes me happy that there is a term for the emotions I continue to feel even five years post-cancerThisis is a common experience for many survivors. There is something comforting for me in knowing that. Now, I need to determine how best to deal with it.

The article that defined “scanxiety” for me, https://www.cancer.net/blog/2021-10/what-scanxiety-how-people-with-cancer-and-survivors-can-cope, recommends distraction, meditation, and support from loved ones to lessen scanxiety.

Distraction appeals to me, and I will use it at my next mammogram appointment. I will bring crossword puzzles with me, so I have something to do when I am alone, waiting for the doctor in an examination room.

Likewise, I will practice meditation via deep breathing exercises while I await my gynecologist and all the fun tests she will put me through. Her office always has long wait times. My husband has been an incredible support, so I need to let him know how I feel. I know that works, as I have done that before.

Pray During a Most Challenging Time

Besides using one of those three techniques, I can pray. God has brought me this far, so why stop a good thing? I feel better already knowing that I have a plan. As I said earlier, I have no control over the outcome of the tests, but I can control my own thoughts and actions. There’s a reason so many people tell me to “stay strong.”

In conclusion, I would like to mention that while I am a breast cancer survivor, these practices will work with any and every disease out there. If you or someone you know is dealing with an illness, please share this article with them. Hopefully, they will realize they are not alone and can formulate their own plan to lessen the impact scanxiety has on them.

Please comment below if I have said anything that resonates with you.