Being A Survivor is Not as Easy as You Think

The tragedy is over, so you should feel euphoric, right? Being a survivor is not as easy as you think. You are alive and undoubtedly grateful; however, survivorship is highly complicated.

Currently, I am in my sixth year of breast cancer survival. Cancer treatment was a harrowing experience, but that’s not what I want to write about today. I want to explore what it’s like to be a survivor.

Family members and friends are relieved when you “beat” cancer and become a survivor. They expect your life to return to normal, and the experience will be filed away under accomplishments. That is so not true.

As a breast cancer survivor, I experience PTSD, Depression, Neuropathy, Arm Numbness, and Guilt (among other things). And, of course, the fear of recurrence. Every weird ache, black and blue, or cough triggers the possibility of recurrence. I was short of breath and had almost convinced myself the cancer had spread to my lungs. The doctor found a heart issue, and I was happy it wasn’t cancer! That’s unbelievable.

One Difference in Being a Survivor

There are different types of survivors. The most significant difference is the event or trauma. However, the survivor’s journey is typically similar. It doesn’t matter the type of cancer, or if you are a heart attack patient or a mother that lost a son, you will experience survivor anguish. We all do.

There is pressure on being a survivor. Some of it is self-inflicted, but most of it is communal. Once you are a survivor, no one likes to hear anything negative. You must be joyous that you are alive! While your entire world changed, you are still expected to act graciously and be positive in all settings. Do you know how hard that is?

I am naturally optimistic, and long before being diagnosed with breast cancer. Yet, I still struggle with this. I am not the same person I was before cancer. It isn’t easy to explain.

There is no Normal for a Survivor

It is odd. At the start of my recovery, I prayed to return to normal. It took me two years to accept that was not going to happen. I had a new normal. The old one was retired! It is a “hard pill” to swallow. Once acceptance occurs, then what? How do you start over? Who do you want to be?

Wow, did God present me with a do-over? My positive mindset took that thought and began to run with it. Suddenly, my situation became an opportunity instead of a disability. My faith helped me turn my life around. Slowly, I found things to make me happy. But that’s when the guilt crept in. I was so used to multi-tasking. If you wanted a party planned, I was your go-to, even while working full-time, selling Longaberger Baskets at night, and juggling two kids’ schedules with my husband.

Those who follow my social media accounts know how much I enjoy a daily float in our pool. I had difficulty enjoying it because I thought of what to do instead. I have had to train my mind to stay present and enjoy the moment.

How Do You Know If You Are a Survivor?

In researching this post, I came across an article that lists twenty-five ways you can tell if you are a survivor by Rhonda Scortino. https://www.rhonda.org/post/you-might-be-a-successful-survivor-of-trauma-if. I am amazed by the number of traits I have from the list. If I were to discuss all twenty-five of these traits, this story would become a novel. Hence, I will narrow it down to five I find most interesting.

• You instinctively know when you can (or cannot) trust someone
• You can read a room within seconds of walking in
• You refuse to let fear stop you from doing what you want to do
• You see opportunity in every challenge
• You focus on a person’s behavior way more than their words

My Favorite Five Survivor Traits

The first trait is fantastic. I used to fear this feeling and wave it off because everyone deserves a chance. But then, I had a situation while working in Chicago that changed my mind. A new manager was brought in that everyone loved. But I had this overwhelming feeling to stay away from her. A year later, she was arrested for embezzling Company funds. I knew she was bad news the day I met her. She fooled many people but not me!

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Read a Room?” I can sense the vibe of a room right when I walk into it. I became great at it once I learned how to lean into this. It is a beautiful trait to possess when you are a salesperson. I regret I did not pay attention to it sooner.

Change is scary and, typically, brings up all the fears. Creating a new normal is downright frightening. However, what’s the choice? You either rebuild or become miserable. I make a point to face fear and do it anyway. While I am a huge beach fan, I rarely go in the water. The thought of creatures swimming with me makes me cringe.

I am, however, fascinated by turtles. Mike and I were on vacation at a Sandals Resort, and I swam with the turtles. The great big ones! It was terrifying and exhilarating, and I loved it. Whenever I am afraid to do something, I think, “If I can swim with turtles, surely I can do this.”

I do view challenges as opportunities. Otherwise, I would kick back and lollygag through life, playing the victim. Ugh, the thought of that makes me want to puke! Can you tell I feel strongly about not being a victim?

Lastly, I pay attention to people. I look at their body language along with what they say. Sometimes those two do not match. It defines how I approach those people. Or, perhaps has me choosing not to approach them at all.

What’s Different About Me as a Survivor?

Firstly, I do not take things for granted. I have become more intentional in how I spend my time. My thirst for knowledge has increased, and my openness to new ideas has expanded. Kindness is still my number one practice; I have stepped it up a notch. We need more kindness in the world.

Many positive personal changes have occurred for me as a survivor. Does that mean I am happy I had cancer? Hell no, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I am grateful God filled me with grace to open my eyes and view the world differently. Tragedies or cancer may happen to you. How you handle and respond to the challenge is what will define you. I am proud to be a survivor.

Are you a survivor, or do you know anyone who is? Did this article resonate with you? Kindly comment below to let me know.